ocho.walo.eight

HAPPY

MONTHSARY

MiNE !!

iloveyou..

sana ikw n nga ..
kxo mine, s two months ntin ..
sobrang dming nging hadlang .. :)
at least kinaya ntin :)
iloveyou forever .. :)

_ria_

PERFECT MiSTAKE

lagi n lng b gnito ??
lagi n lng b aq aasa s wala ??
lagi n lng b aq ung mali at msama ??
lagi n lng b aq ang may kslnan??
oo na !
i'm your perfect mistake na nga ee !
dpa b spat un ??
kelangan p ba akong masaktan lalo ??
kelangan p b dgdgan ung burden ko ?
sabhin nyu lng..
i can give myself permanent damage..
just tell me ..
i'll impose that pain on myself ..
you dont need to get ur perfect hands dirty to kill me ..
i will do it myself for you ..
nkkpgod n kxe ..
nkkpgod umasa s wala ..
nkkpgod ung mga promises n hndi nmn natutupad ..
sobrang nkkpagod na..
auko n rin ng may nririnig ako n ako ang may kslanan s pgiging miserable ng isang tao ..
auko n ng may nssktan ako ..
kung tlgang d n ako karapat dapat s punyetang mundo n toh ..
guess i'll leave ..
pro sana wag nmn slow killing dba ??
sbgay ..
i deserve it ..
i'm the devil's daughter dba ??
the PERFECT MISTAKE
the only person who cant do anything right ..
im sick and tired of living this damned life .. !!

_ria_08_

wish i could vanish ..

in this world ..
nothing is fair ..
you bleed, you fall, yet the sympathy remains on the culprit ..
do something right and you turn out wrong
do the wrong and you are still wrong ..
tell the truth and you'll be called a liar,
tell a lie and they believe you
when you are alone and depressed, the people you love leave you
when you want to be alone, they say they have always been there ..
you try to find a place
and that place is taken away from you
you try to fit no where and people start reaching out for you ..
when you need comfort, you find only your hand to hold ..
when you want to be by yourself, people start coming, offering their shoulder for you ..
well, isnt life so ironic ?
you are treated dead and invisible when you are alive and present
and you are sorely missed when you die ..
sometimes i wish i was a corpse, so that i could know that i have a value in life
but what's the use of it ?
why show a person you love him or her when she already died ??

_RiA_

two worlds

hard.. to live two different lives, in two separate worlds.
one where you can be real ..
and one you are forced to live with ..

--iiyah.:)

and the worst part is,
the world and life you are forced to live with is the kind of life your own family imposes on you ..
a kind of life where you cant be free ..
not to express yourself
or to be what you wanted to be :)

the sad part is, you want them to know what you really are
to accept you for who you can be
and to prove yourself
get your own identity ..
one that separates you from the rest
one that distinguishes you from the crowd ..
a "you" that would be special ..

locked up in the depths of this sorrow
underneath the heavy curtain of darkness that fell before me,
blinding me from the truth of life ..

why do you always so protect me?
am i that fragile? that helpless? so defenseless that i need you to shield me from the pain pf truth ?
do you think my small heart cant carry the heavy load?
well i tell you this..
the suffering you inflict upon me is much more heavier than the pain of truth ..

and i want to be a free soul ..
to fly and be me ..
that's why i love to be with my friends ..
where i can act and speak and think the way i wanted ..
the way i am ..
where i dont need to be under control
where precision and idealism doesnt matter ..

where i can be PERFECTLY IMPERFECT
and i can treasure every single bit of the momentary bliss
this freedom that i own when i'm not in your grasp ..

how much i would love to be able to fly freely ..

"dont keep me under the glass if you really want to touch me"

i want to find myself
be what i can be ..
discover the real ME

--ria.08

.bulag.pipi.bingi.

and so, there were three friends, the deaf, the mute, and the blind,
but of this three, the most deprived one is the mute

-iiyah.:)

and the mute was caitlyn, 13 years of age, she had been in a home for the deprived, the deaf, the mute, the blind, and the retarded, the elders, and the autistic, for already 5 years. when her parents died when she was eight, sh elost all the will to speak. for the past five years, she had been healing the wounds of her past. and with the help of her new found best friends, joanna and richelle, she was able to live a normal life.

joanna was the eldest among the three, and she have stayed here the longest. she was fifteen and beautiful, except she was unable to appreciate the beauty of nature. she was born blind and her parents disowned her. she went in this home with the help of a stranger who almost run on her on the street (muntik masagasaan). she had been staying here for 8 years.

richelle, meanwhile, was deaf and had been here a year after joanna was taken in. she ran away from her wicked step fathers grasp who almost destroyed her life. as to how or why she became deaf, nobody knew. not even her. she is thirteen, like caitlyn, but was a few months older.

and so, these three girls was able to get along well. they found comfort and love in each other and together, they were slowly able to remove the pain of one another. they were like sisters, unseparable, united. they loved each other.

one day, a rich man came to the shelter. he was a diagnosed patient of brain cancer has only one more year left to live. he chose this shelter to be able to do some good before he passed on to the next life.

he was looking around the shelter for people who would touch his heart. that was when he saw the three girls laughing so innocently on a bench under a maple tree. the purity and sincerity in their faces warmed him. but the most touching face he saw was that of the green-eyed girl whose long, black, flowing hair fell limply around her oval face.

something about the sadness in this girl made him pick the three as his "beneficiary". the resident nurse who took regular care of them talked to them.

first was richelle, she was deaf, no parents, and nowhere to go except this shelter, no family except her friends. the rich man asked her, "would you want to be healed?" richelle looked puzzled, unable to hear. the nurse translated it in sign language for her. after she understood, a new kind of light lit up her face. she nodded eagerly and she was healed. but the noise around her was scary, so loud, so unpleasant that she wanted to bring back the peace of her deaf world.

next was joanna. she agreed to be healed and when she was able to see, the horror of the image that struck her brought her to a near breakdown. she wished her oblivion back.

and lastly, caitlyn's turn came. before she was asked, the rich man told her, "you have seen how horrified your friends were when they were healed, would you be ready for that horror too ?"

caitlyn looked at the man and smiled serenely.
she got a piece of paper and a ballpen and wrote:

if only i could summon the energy to speak up and tell what's on my mind right now, i would be the happiest person.
i was neither deaf nor blind, and so, i saw the imperfections of this horrible world, and i was not able to say a thing about it.
i was deprived of the opportunity to sing, to orate, and to laugh, to shout when i'm angry, to scream when i'm afraid and to gasp when i'm surprised.
i couldn't even tell my friends how much i love them nor how thankful i am to have them.
a world where you are unable to say what you feel and to speak out what is in your mind is more scarier.
more painful ..
i would be glad to exchange my eyes and ears just to be able to speak.
oblivion is better than this

the rich man read and was touched. that was the only time he realized how important it is to speak out and tell the truth. caitlyn was healed and the rich man died a few months after, a house and a promise of education to the three girls who taught him something was left in his will.

and caitlyn was healed, physically and emotionally, having been able to finally say everything that bothered her. the shock of losing her parents and not being able to speak out about her grief made a severe damage to her. and having her voice back was a great relief.

as for joanna and richelle, acceptance had made them more comfortable with the new truth. the truth that the world we live in can only be less painful thru oblivion -- something we can NEVER achieve.

_ria_08

note: i wish to be able to say what's on my mind. and i wish you would realize that the truth hurts .. this worl isn't your own personal paradise. you cant always get what you want.