new moon

it's kinda funny how people would go to certain lengths to forget pain ..
even just for a few moments ..
it's amazing how everyone is willing to pay such a high price
just for momentary bliss
and the most wonderful thing is ..
how come people suffer a lot more pain than they experience happy, carefree moments

"it will be as if i never existed"

what such painful words
just reading them hurts me enough
how much more if it was said to me??
would i have died of shock and sadness right then and there ?
maybe
i hate to imagine
but somehow, it seems too vivid .. too possible it's kinda scary
i dont ever want that

this painful gap in my chest
like a hole was drilled through my heart seemed to cripple me
i wanted to run away from the truth
run back to my fake world--my fantasies
the only natural thing that kept me alive for the past thirteen years of my life ..
only, it wouldn't be that easy

you see, one of the wonderful things HE did to me
was that HE made me want to live by reality more than i live by my fantasies
HE made me a real person
and that destroyed my perfect, made-up world

at first it was great
the freedom of being able to face the real world without the fear of being swallowed by misery was ADDICTIVE
like i found my personal drug
one that keeps my blood running despite the fact that my stubborn heart stopped beating

and now,
now that HE made me want to shrink back to my usual old self
i find it hard

i was, utterly, undeniably CHANGED
and in a good term too
except
i left my fragile heart unguarded
coz i was too confident he would never break it

only hell knows this burning feeling in the pit of my stomach
pain that seemed to eat me inside out
clawing at my heart
tearing me apart.

"i was shocked to find out i didn't crumble to pieces"

"i was damaged beyond repair"

and it was kinda foolish for me to think that even once in my life
i would experience a perfect, never-ending happiness in my damned life
only, i was wrong ..

much too wrong ..

and to my dismay
eventhough i was busy trying to keep myself alive from the crowd that stampeded in that place
even as i tried to distract myself from the "wonderful" scenery of poverty and pollution
even as i pondered on the wonders of nature..
everywhere i looked still shouts his name..and it BREAKS me apart

i dont know how long i could hold back the pain
but i will try to handle this alone

leave out all the rest

i dreamed i was missing
you were so scared
but no one was listening
no one else cared

so if you're asking me
i want you to know

[*]
when my time comes
forget the wrongs i've done
help me leave behind some
reasons to be missed
dont resent me
and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

dont be afraid
i've taken my beatings
i've shared what i've made

i'm strong on the surface
not all the way through
i've never been perfect
but neither have you

so if you're asking me
i want you to know

[*]
when my time comes
forget the wrongs i've done
help me leave behind some
reasons to be missed
dont resent me
and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

forgetting
all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
pretending
someone else can come and save me from myself
i can't be who you are ..

[*]
when my time comes
forget the wrongs i've done
help me leave behind some
reasons to be missed
dont resent me
and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

forgetting
all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
pretending
someone else can come and save me from myself
i can't be who you are ..

[*]
when my time comes
forget the wrongs i've done
help me leave behind some
reasons to be missed
dont resent me
and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest

i miss my boyfriend ..
i miss you mine :( soobraaa!!
ahehe. love n love ko ikw mine :)) pramis .. sobrang mhal n mhal :)) ikw lng ngppsaya s akin .. lalu pag depressed aqo .. alam mu nmn cguro un dba ?? ikw nmn lagi ko kasama at kausap .. you know almost everything about me .. and alam ko n nde mo un ggmitin pra masira ang pagkatao ko .. i LOVE you mine :))

sobrang attached aq s taong toh -->
s knya n umikot ang buong buhay ko :))
ahehe
corny ko :)) ahehe .. pro swear .. love ko yan :)) x0ooooobraaa!!

>>end<<

.eternity.

fOr all eternity

truly, is there life after death??
what is it in death that makes it so sweet yet so scary?
was it because of the unknown that makes us scared?
or was it because it is a mystery that makes it o wonderful?

tell me, are you ready to die?
are you prepared to realize if life after death is real or not?
some would immediately && confidently answer "yes"
&& some are human enough to admit they are not ready yet

life on earth is an amazing thing
the wonderful miracle of life
the things we know
the unknown yet to be discovered,
money, technology, power && fame ..
sex, love, friendship, affection, lust, && like
these are some of the things that make life revolve

but are you prepared for what's in store if we lose all this worldly things? if any?
are you sure you can face what awaits you if you "cross over" to the "other side" ??

nobody can be so sure.
not even i.

xxx


i admit, i'm one who embraced the wonders of death as though it was something to look forward to
i guess it was the simple drive of curiousity which drove me
or the simple fact that i'm sick && tired of living my life
either way
i'm looking forward to death
in both good && bad sense of it.
for me, death is one of the wonderful miracles of life
why do we have to die?
why do we have to leave this world?
there must be a reason.
&& i'm looking forward to know that reason

however, there are times that even i am afraid to meet death
maybe because i have become so attached to something
i never wanted to lose it.

a great example? MARC.
AUBREY. EIRENE. BEA. JASMINE EVE. DUKE.

friends of mine who hold a special place in my heart
loved ones like my family, my parents and cousins, my "NANAY" and my aunts && uncles

they are some of the reasons why
sometimes.. when death seemed to loom right above me
or surround me
i feel fear && loneliness embrace me ..

thinking about the mere fact that you wouldn't see the ones you once loved anymore hurts -- A LOT.

but then,
if death really comes my way.
would i be prepared?
i don't know

:))


"tomorrow is a mystery"


RiA.08

i Love ='MINE'=

ocho.walo.eight.!! xD

i love you mine qo !!
mhal kita
wo ai ni
aishiteru wa
watashi sukidesu wa
aitai .. xD
ahaha
kunwari alam mo meaning ;)
:))
i love you !!

o8.o8.o8.o8

http://mine08eliyha.blogspot.com
http://mine08eliyha.blogspot.com
http://mine08eliyha.blogspot.com
http://mine08eliyha.blogspot.com
http://mine08eliyha.blogspot.com
http://mine08eliyha.blogspot.com

<3 love you mccoy <3

bored, bad3p, bad day, bad mood, totally a B day x(

....


grrr !!

wat the hell is so nice in being the rank one?
if your parents are gonna nag you to death to study more
wat the hell is so nice in having high grades that went unappreciated?!
f***
hate it!!

so i guess you aren't dumb enough to not guess i'm in a pretty BAD MOOD today ayt?!
good

i just got my card yesterday
and i was elated by my grades
especially bcoz my lowest was p6 where i got a mark of 86
not too bad for someone who didnt pass the requirements
and then i had such a wonderful day yesterday
only to be spoiled soooooooo easily by little devils that run around the house everyday
make that devil just one big man

soooooooo angry!!!!

i'm literally shaking with rage right now

well

nothing significant anymore

god bless

RiA

p.s. i'm currently almost finished with twilight and the story is the only thing now that keeps me from turning in to a little devil myself. it keeps me human enough xD

well,
feeling somehow better
being able to write out my frustrations



bye ..

:)

...

Jesus, Take The Wheel
--Carrie Underwood


She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
she was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh


-------------------


i Labb this sOng xoo much ..

so full of faith and hope ..
something that i lost such a long tym ago
something i wanted to slowly get back

it tells about a girl who have lost all faith and have been weary from a bad year
and when she encountered a life-threathening experience
she realized that she had forgotten a lot about GOD
so "for the first time in a long time, she bowed her head to pray"

it's kinda true isn't it?
some of us dont believe Him ..
some say they do, but they don't show it or hardly want to
some are ashamed
some are scared that they will be called weird and the likes
some treat it like a game

i admit,
sometimes i'm one of them ..
and i'm not proud of it
but i wanna change

we live our life everyday
with technology to aid us in every aspect
we seem to forget him
becoming too worldly

but to whom do we run to when life seemed to turn against us?
whom do we call when our world seemed to fall before our eyes?
isn't it Him who we call?
Him, to whom we ask for help?

it's like we're using him ..
and i dont want to do that anymore ..




RiA :)

ilabbmarc

iiyah labbs 17.22

dreams and reality ??

...

dreaming .. i was only dreaming

i kept saying this over and over again to myself
it has been a tough night last night
i was trashing around, as if my bedcovers and pillows are gonna eat me alive
and i woke up to find myself sweating and pale

the moon was full and bright, yet gloomy.
like how i feel.

i couldn't understand why somehow,
eventhough i've had what i wanted, i still feel..EMPTY
like something's wrong
something missing

what the hell is wrong?!

i kept asking myself
i'm like a person going crazy
one moment happy,
next moment i would feel an unexplainable pain, as if squeezing my heart out
like my heart was being crushed by a force
something you call "pain"

i'm no stranger to that ..
in fact, i was born with pain right by my side
but this pain is different
an uncarable, unexplainable pain

i'm hurting without clear reason

the hell is wrong ?!

i guess i'm afraid
petrified
scared to lose what little happiness i have
i guess the idea of perfection scared me

it seemed too perfect to be real
and yet, i wanna believe it so much
like my life depended on it ..

"Do you really think he loves you?"
      -- my cousin told me

i nodded, smiling
i was so sure of my answer ..
till she replied with a grave voice:

"just be careful, coz it may come to a point that you will realize,
he never did love you,
he just took pity on you that's why he's doing this
and that would hurt more."

i stopped walking and thought about what she said

suddenly questions and situations came rushing up to me ..

what if what she said is true?

what if he will confess that he never loved me at all when the time comes that i loved him so much already?

what if he was just using me to forget the one he loves?

what if..

what if..? :(

i never noticed the car honking behind me..
i stood in the middle of the street thinking of all the things that might happen or the way i would feel if it would happen

luckily, my cousin had more sense to pull me aside and go home

that night, i couldn't sleep

i was scared
i know, if that happens,
i couldn't think of living another day ..

talk about exxagerating

but honestly,
kidding aside
i would definitely be crushed if that would be true
and i swear,
my heart would just stop beating from the shock if it happens

i just love him waaaaaaay too much

i slept that night having horrible nightmares

one that included me begging him to never leave me
another that included the two of us walking in the rain, and him telling me over and over again that he is sorry, that he tried, but he couldnt, that he was useless..

but the dream that scared me most was this ..

he told me to meet him at a mall
and we spent the whole day there
eating, ice skating, playing arcade games and the likes
then, at the cinema
i forgot the movie we were watching
but the soundtrack that time was .. sad
he was sitting beside me ..
then he looked at me
held my hand and whispered something to my ear

Ria, i'm so sorry. i still love her. i tried to forget her, and tried to love you. i'm sorry. isipin muh na wala akong kwentang tao, pero i tried to .. tinry ko na mahalin ka. pero sya p rin tlga.

he was crying that time
he hugged me.
and i couldn't help but melt under his hug
i couldn't be angry
yet i felt the pain
the immeasurable pain in my chest.

tandaan mo, hndi ka walang kwentang lalaki. kasi, you tried everything, its just that, i'm not the one meant for you. naiintindihan ko. mahal na mahal pa rin kita. ayos lng s kin un. promise.

i said with all my might trying not to cry.
i smiled and kissed him on the cheek

thanks for this wonderful moment of my life

with that i ran out of the cinema, no longer able to hold back my tears

i was so sure that he tried to follow me, yet i continued running.
i went out of the mall and run in the rain.
it was stormy that night in my dream..
i continued running, not really seeing where i am being led to by my feet
all i wanna do is to get away from him as much as possible

i was so damned hurt
i love him a lot
and yet
"panakip butas lang pala ako"
yet
i cant get mad
i cant hate him
because i know, deep inside
that i really, really love him..

when i finally stopped running,
i found myself in the middle of a forest.
the trees surrounding me were so huge that not even the rain reached me
i realized i was soaking wet
the roaring of the wind seemed to stop
or was i just deaf?
no, it was as if the volume was turned down

then, suddenly
out of nowhere
SHE appeared before me
the girl he LOVE

and she smiled at me wickedly
how much i loathed her

i won .. he was really meant for me.

she told me in her cold, cruel voice

i was shaking with rage
yah, he loved her .. but to say that as if HE was her PROPERTY ..
it makes my blood boil ..

then, he appeared
the one i love
and he seemed to not see me ..
as if i was not there
invisible

"#0&&!n ?"

he said.

he was approaching her
closer..
he stopped within one foot away from her

the girl smiled

"131183,.."

she said with a fake honey-sweet voice
very opposite to the tone she used with me

i wanted to shout, scream at him
that i was there
but i lost all will to speak
my vocal chords wont coordinate with my mind

then, the thing i feared to happen started again

"iloveyou"

the boy i love told the girl.
and he approached her,
closer
their lips were only an inch apart
then it met

they were locked in that kiss
it didn't last long but it seemed like eternity to me
i knew i would go crazy
i ran away
seeing the things again and again in my mind

and i awoke
with tears in my eyes

it was still 4am by then

i looked at my cp
and suddenly, my mom called
the ring tone changed
as if mocking me

"four in the morning" by gwen steffani

i answered the phone call

my mom hung up
maybe she dialed my number by mistake
then i saw his last message to me

i cried till i fell asleep by 6:30 am

and i woke up again by 9am

that was when i opened my pc to talk to him
and all doubts seemed to vanish for a moment
but it still lie here
within my heart
dormant
sleeping

i hope that it wont ever happen ..




RiA :)

halloween

When I was a kid I always suffered from really bad nightmares. Not the kind mind you where I’m in a scary place, nor have they been some leftover memory from a bad horror flick. No these nightmares always involved creepy feelings of deja vu, or in the worst cases the kind where I have some sense of physical pain. I know this because whenever I wake up from a dream like that what ever part of me that was affected still hurts (keep in mind I don’t sleepwalk).

One dream I recall I was in some sort of weird, almost earth like air substance trying to claw my way to the surface, and these strange hands kept grabbing me trying to pull me back down, that was one where when I woke up my legs felt like someone really huge just grabbed them and squeezed as hard as he could before I woke up.

When I was a kid I would have one such dream about once a month, since I’ve grown it has thankfully tapered off to about once every six months. Anyway on with the story.

I have a hard time calling this one a “dream”, because in truth there was some part of me that was still awake. It happened 3 to 4 years when I was still in the military. It was summertime and as such I kept the window open to let the breeze in. My bed was facing the window and there was a light post about 50 to 70 feet past my window behind an old tree. I was asleep when my eyes just suddenly opened. I seem to recall being rather calm at first, because I knew I was partly awake, only the first thought I had was something to the effect of, “god this is going to be a bad one”. Almost as fast as I thought I saw something strange outside the upper right hand corner of my window.

At first I couldn’t make it out because of the orange light from the light post. After a few moments I could see the screen getting pushed back and a figure of a completely bald infant floated before me holding a pillow. What I remember most are the eyes, God they were so wide, the kind of eyes that have purpose not at all like an infants eyes should be. After staring at me for a moment it started moving toward me lifting the pillow in front of it, its entire body was covered except for the eyes which peeked over the top of the pillow. In an instant every ounce of me was screaming run… run, Run RUN RUN! Except my body wasn’t moving, I don’t know how to properly explain the feeling except my body was still asleep yet my mind was awake, kind of funny when you think about it. I felt like I was going to be smothered to death and no one was holding me down.

At this point there was so much fear running through me that my body started moving very slightly, and whatever calm part was left in me was searching for a way to wake up completely. The only thing I could think of as the infant moved closer was to try and push myself off my bed. The baby was about 3/4 of the way to me when I finally rolled off my bed and slammed my head into the side of my dresser (it was a very small room). I actually did cut myself on the wood, and at that point I was fully awake, and I can’t describe to you how suddenly tired I felt, not just physically, but mentally as well. I didn’t even bother looking up to see if the baby was there or not, well more to the point I just knew deep inside it was gone.

The reason why I consider this the worst dream, or “Waking Nightmare” as I now call it. Was the feeling it left me with, like I sorta got lucky this time… Not only that, but after I stopped the bleeding with an old T-shirt, and said a quick prayer in thanks I went back straight to bed. The attitude was kind of like… “ok a-hole”, see you in another six months”. I slept like a rock for the rest of the night.

While the dream is never the same I still have them, even to this day, and I have yet to find someone who can tell me why. Anyway that’s my story, believe me or don’t, it doesn’t matter to me. I just told it because the spirit of this website was kind of amusing. But I digress, take care and sweet dreams.

This story is completely true, the only part I changed was the layout of the room since it would have taken way too much time to explain, and I felt would have ruined the story.

Written by Ethan Jon Lopez, Copyright 2008




Happy Halloween pipsz :))


wla ako magawa ee :))

pra lng may ma-ipost


'i can be your angel
who would guide and protect you
but i can also be your devil
who'll hurt you and abandon you ..'



whaha ..


excited for wednesday :))


aun lng ..


Ria :))

if she only knew

...

this is the continuation of my post "love.lovelove.x]]"
this one portrays the side of the boy

hope you enjoii ..

-------------


it has been such a long time since i've known her
she was a shy, kind, and quiet girl
who easily makes everyone in her presence lighthearted

she was the type of girl who
would easily make you
smile
despite the heavy burden life has in store for you

so comfortable being with

she's filled with patience and maturity
truly one-of-a-kind
her face is full of innocence and love

she's sweet and caring
and fun being with,
she easily captures the heart of everyone around her

i must admit,

i FELL in love with her

but i'm afraid to tell her
it might break her innocence and purity

i guess i was afraid to shatter that
simple smile she always paint on her face

she held a special place in my heart

and everyday my feelings for her grew deep
and we became close

till one day,
she told me she's inlove with somebody
i was scared to know who the guy is
for that guy might not be me

i pulled away ..
thinking that she have fallen for someone
thinking that i'm hopeless

i hid the pain ..

till one day,
i noticed her sunken eyes
her pale face
as if life was sapped out of her

i wanted to ask her what's wrong,
what happened
but i can't
a voice inside my head said only one thing:

"you're not the one she need"

so a few weeks more have passed
and she seemed to weaken more
i became worried
i decided that i would talk to her the next day

yet, something happened
she collapsed right before my eyes

"___, what happened? are you alright?"

that was all i could say
everything seemed to fall before my eyes
my angel had fallen
nothing else mattered

the ambulance arrived

"i love you"

she opened her eyes
i felt relieved

yet, her eyes were empty
empty but full of love
then it struck me hard ..

she had loved me from the start"

and now, here i am, standing before her grave
grieving so much
bcoz of my stupidity, the girl i loved died
bcoz of depression
thinking that i didn't love her

and my life is useless without her

without my angel ..


RiA :)

iiyah loves onlii 17

love.hate.jealousy.

There was this guy who believed very much in true love and decided to take his time to wait for his right girl to appear. He believed that there would definitely be someone special out there for him, but none came.

Every year at Christmas, his ex-girlfriend would return from Vancouver to look him up. He was aware that she still held some hope of re-kindling the past romance with him. He did not wish to mislead her in any way. So he would always get one of his girl friends to pose as his steady whenever she came back. That went on for several years and each year, the guy would get a different girl to pose as his romantic interest. So whenever the ex-girlfriend came to visit him, she would be led into believing that it was all over between her and the guy. The girl took all those rather well, often trying to casually tease him about his different girlfriends, or so, as it seemed! In fact, the girl often wept in secret whenever she saw him with another girl, but she was too proud to admit it. Still, every Christmas, she returned, hoping to re-kindle some form of romance. But each time, she returned to Vancouver feeling disappointed.

Finally she decided that she could not play that game any longer. Therefore, she confronted him and professed that after all those years, he was still the only man that she had ever loved. Although the guy knew of her feelings for him, he was still taken back and have never expected her to react that way. He always thought that she would slowly forget about him over time and come to terms that it was all over between them. Although he was touched by her undying love for him and wanted so much to accept her again, he remembered why he rejected her in the first place-she was not the one he wanted. So he hardened his heart and turned her down cruelly. Since then, three years have passed and the girl never return anymore. They never even wrote to each other. The guy went on with his life..... still searching for the one but somehow deep inside him, he missed the girl.

On the Christmas of 1995, he went to his friend's party alone. "Hey, how come all alone this year? Where are all your girlfriends? What happened to that Vancouver babe who joins you every Christmas?", asked one of his friend. He felt warm and comforted by his friend's queries about her, still he just surged on.
Then, he came upon one of his many girlfriends whom he once requested to pose as his steady. He wanted so much to ignore her ..... not that he was impolite, but because at that moment, he just didn't feel comfortable with those girlfriends anymore. It was almost like he was being judged by them. The girl saw him and shouted across the floor for him. Unable to avoid her, he went up to acknowledge her.

"Hi......how are you? Enjoying the party?" the girl asked.

"Sure.....yeah!", he replied.
She was slightly tipsy..... must be from the whiskey on her hand. She continued,
"Why...? Don't you need someone to pose as your girlfriend this year?" Then he answered, "No, there is no need for that anymore......"
Before he can continue, he was interrupted, "Oh yes! Must have found a girlfriend! You haven't been searching for one for the past years, right?" The man looked up, as if he has struck gold, his face beamed and looked directly at the drunken girl. He replied, "Yes......you are right! I haven't been looking for anyone for the past years."
With that, the man darted across the floor and out the door, leaving the lady in much bewilderment. He finally realized that he has already found his dream girl, and she was.....the Vancouver girl all along! The drunken lady has said something that awoken him.

All along he has found his girl. That was why he did not bother to look further when he realized she was not coming back. It was not any specific girl he was seeking! It was perfection that he wanted, and yes.....perfection!!
Relationship is something both parties should work on. Realizing that he had let away someone so important in his life, he decided to call her immediately. His whole mind was flooded with fear. He was afraid that she might have found someone new or no longer had the same feelings anymore..... For once, he felt the fear of losing someone.

As it was Christmas eve, the line was quite hard to get through, especially an overseas call. He tried again and again, never giving up. Finally, he got through......precisely at 1200 midnight. He confessed his love for her and the girl was moved to tears. It seemed that she never got over him! Even after so long, she was still waiting for him, never giving up.

He was so excited to meet her and to begin his new chapter of their lives. He decided to fly to Vancouver to join her. It was the happiest time of their lives! But their happy time was short-lived. Two days before he was supposed to fly to Vancouver, he received a call from her father. She had a head-on car collision with a drunken driver. She passed away after 6 hours in a coma.
The guy was devastated, as it was a complete loss. Why did fate played such cruel games with him? He cursed the heaven for taking her away from him, denying even one last look at her! How cruel he cursed! How he damned the Gods...!! How he hated himself....for taking so long to realize his mistake!! That was in 1996.


The moral of this story is :
Treasure what you have...
Time is too slow for those who wait;
Too swift for those who fear;
Too long for those who grief;
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love...
Time is Eternity.

For all you out there with someone special in your heart, cherish that person, cherish every moment that you spend together that special someone, for in life, anything can happen anytime. You may painfully regret, only to realise that it is too late.

--------------


I don't need anyone to take advantage
of my weaknesses or my strengths,
I need someone who will appreciate
me for everything that I am.


Side by side or miles apart,
friends like us stay close to the heart


"I always thought you were my best friend until recently,
when I fell in love with you;
you turned out to be my angel."


Friends are angels that come from above.
Sent down from God for you to love.
So if you are sad,
and don't know what to do.
Just remember that I care for you!


Those who hate most fervently
must have once loved deeply;
those who want to deny the world
must have once embraced
what they now set on fire.


Love your enemies,
bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you,
and pray for them
which despitefully use you,
and persecute you


People say hate
is a strong word.
But so is Love.
And they throw it around
like it's nothing...


Heaven has no rage,
like love to hatred turned,


From the deepest desires
often come the deadliest hate.


eto ang da best:

Hate is misguided love



Riaa :))


mhal ko si marc

what lovers call BLiSS

...

here i am alone
in this bedroom
locked up on my own
starinG to the unknown

trying to think it over
looking back to the things that was done
trying hard to remember
something that was so long gone

trying hard to understand
this emptiness i feel
holding on to someone's hand
whom, then, seemed so real

i'm in love, as love can be defined
what the reason is, "i don't know why"
all i know is this speacial feeling
truly one of a kind

during these empty moments
when i sit here all alone
all i see is THAT someone
whom i want to call my own

in every waking moment
his voice is all i hear
and even in my dreams
his face remains so clear

yet, i'm empty, alone, incomplete
a young soul burning for passion
a writer, a poet, who lost her love to wit
a sinner who hungers for salvation

hear my burden, feel my pain
let this misery flow in your vein
that you may know how strong my love is
and this craziness that lovers call BLISS

"i'm just a crazy person inlove"
→who lost her brain bcoz of love←

RiA :)

iiyah laabs 17 onlii

stupid child

...

'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your
Precious memories

-- A Thousand Miles, Vanessa Carlton

'what's this stupidity?'

i can't understand why i keep on telling myself i'm alright
that i'm not pissed of with what happened

and yet,
i'm not in the mood at all

i want to talk to him
coz only then would i be in peace
but i am at a loss of what to say ..
and i cant speak
bcoz the pain in my chest seems to double

i'm being SELFiSH yet again ..
and i hate it !
super HHAATTEE it ..
i don't want to be seLfish when it comes to him

i'm being childish again
a jealous little girl whose stupidity got the best of her
and i really REALLY dont like
one single bit of it ..

it's health we're talking about here
so why the hell am i acting like a five-year-old
who couldn't get what she want

i'm being a spoiled brat again ..
that must not EVER HAPPEN !!

ohh, SHiT !


RiA :)

iiyah laabbs onli 17 !!

shit! life is full of it ..

...

I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

~awts~

destiny took something away from me again
when can i be complete ?
when can i find total happiness ??

why do i always have to suffer ?!

d hell with life !?
sO unfair
foolishness struck me so hard
grr!
hate it !

i feel like i'm somewhere in between life and death
wherein one wrong movement and i would end up
dead and peaceful, yet incomplete
or alive, yet hurting inside
and i choose the former

yet i cant leave him behind

sh*t!

damn this life :((




RiA :)

iiyah laabs 17

forever with you

"everytime i try to fLy i fall
without my wings i feel so small
i guess i need you baby"

...

look into my eyes
and see deep within my soul

i'm opening my life to you
letting you see through my facade
letting you know my weakness
exposing my
vulnerability
trusting you to not use it to make me fall

...

look deep within and explore these swirl of emotions
all the anger and pain and longing and fears
all the tears i hid through the years
the doubts and disappointments and the happiness i feel

everything about me is now opened to you
like a book that could be read
as clear as the water in the streams

i'm no longer afraid to hide behind this brave face
for now, i'm confident
that eventhough i'm weak,
eventhough i'm so breakable,
i have faith that you would be there
ready to catch me if i fall

...

i now entrust my life to you
all the darkest secrets ..
all the lies and pretentions
you hold every little detail of my life now

i'm ready to fall freely into your arms

~don't ever let me go~

"i can be your angel,
my soul will be your guide
and even in the after-life
i will always love you"

RiA :)
iiyah laabs 17 forever

falling to pieces

...

"i LOVE yUh"

these wOrds kept echOing inside my head
repeating
endLess
like a soundtrack on repeat

that was one of my happiest moment Of my Life
i was like given a second chance to live
to be human

for the first time in years,
i started to feel something light
something free

~HAPPiNESS~

you were like a life support to my dying heart
i couldn't wish for anything else

yet ..

i was cursed to never be permanently happy

the very moment i started to appreciate my happiness
was the same moment fate snatched it away

i'm giving up
falling to pieces once again
crumbling away

"dont walk away from me"

was what he said

"i need you"

i need you more dan you do
you are the life i have had when my life left me
you were the hope i had
when i gave up everything
you have become every single bit of me

you are my strength when i can't stand
you were the one who helped me see the truth
you gave me the security i needed

you make me feel safe

you're my only comfort

"dont go .."

i heard you whisper
but the wind blew it away ..
preventing me to feel the love in it

i'm slowly fading away ..
disappearing

hold me tightly
i might not be back if i leave now

"i'll be your angel"

i wont ever leave you
even if i die
i will watch over you

hope you feel my soul
it lingers in the air you breathe in
in the water you drink

and i will love you ..
even in the after-life

MY iMMORTAL LOVE

RiA :)

iiyah labbs 17 :]

broken and dying

i stood there
in the middle of an empty street
staring blankly

the moon was full
the rain started to fall
soaking me straight to the bone
sending chills up my spine

i stand in this empty space
time seemed to freeze
leaving me there
more alone
more dead

i found myself looking
through all the times you fought
all the times you were shouting
and i was like a child
hiding on spaces
trying not to see
nor hear a thing

trying to avoid destruction
but failing to flee

all the days of my broken youth lay there
before my eyes
haunting me
trying to eat my soul
killing me

you looked at me
with eyes that seem to burn holes through me
as if you wanted to eat me
to kill me

i looked back at you
with no fear
no anger
no hatred

nothing but pure innocence and love
i looked at you with sadness
and longing
and pain
even wishing that you would approach me
not minding if you would hurt me
just so i could touch you again
hug you
be with you ..

and what lay before my eyes was a monster
who destroyed my faith
my innocence
who disregarded the respect
the love i gave

and we fought several times
and you never listened
you were so selfish !
so close-minded
you didn't even think about what i would feel

all the words you said
they left a deep scar in my life
all the insults you threw
they all remained intact in my brain
haunting me
even in my peace

all the things you did to me
both happy and not
i cherished them all
i respected you

because you know what?

even though your not the greatest father in the world,
you are the ONLY father i could ever have
and i wouldn't wish for another

no matter what pain you keep on causing to me
i couldn't love you less
i couldn't disrespect you
bcoz your still my father

and i die a little bit everytime you say things to me
and yet, i still respect you

you don't even know
nor appreciate it
and i couldn't just show it anymore
bcoz whenever i look at you now
what i see is the monster
who haunted my childhood
not the father i loved

i'm giving up

RiA

love.love.love.x]]

lookin in the mirror, and all i see is a facade
a girl whom i never knew
a stranger looks back at me ..

it has been quite some time since i've last looked at myself
and a lot have changed
my eyes are tired from all the nights of crying
my body frame had been thinner
from all the days of having no energy
nor will to eat

my lips are white and chapped
my hands bony and pale
my hair hanging limp and my life seemed to be sapped out of me

souless, lifeless

i've become like a phantom
i look at things as if i can see through them ..
nothing mattered anymore

my vision is blurring
my world seemed to spin right in front of me
my ears are becoming deaf

"where am i?"

i heard my mind say ..
i knew i never said those words aloud
i've no life nor energy left to even speak
let alone scream

"why am i here?"

everything passed in and out before me
like the playful sparkle of christmas lights
except, this image is more dull
more weak
EMPTY

"i don't like this feeling"

i closed my eyes
everything i see is the darkness that was brought by my eyelids
but then,
i can see something
so vivid
so true
in my emptiness
in this darkness that i can nver share with anyone
he was there

the one who caused my pain

he was there
in my most lonely moment
where no one knows what is happening

he was there
staring at me
smiling

"i.. this is crazy"

yes it is ..
he had caused me this pain
the reason that i'm in this kind of empty darkness

yet,
and yet ..
he's all that i see now

"i love you.. return to me"

i heard him say ..
is that real?
should i believe ?
or will i be a fool again if i did?

"take my hand .. you can still survive"

there it was ..
outstretched
inviting
so warm

i was reaching out for it
inch by inch
almost there

i hesitated for a moment then grabbed his hand

"stay with me.. i love you"

i felt my eyes start to hurt ..
i never noticed the tears that are falling
non-stop

he was smiling at me..
then he pulled me to a tight embrace

"you'll be safe in my arms"

i can feel myself coming back to my senses

i can hear the sirens
shouts
moaning

i heard someone gently calling my name

i tried to open my eyes

but all i saw was a blurred image
of a man whose face i know too well
even in my darkness
that was the face i saw

i heard him speak my name
felt him touch me

"please, hold on .. stay there"

my heart broke at the sadness and worry in his voice

i wanna scream that i'm just here
that i'm alive
and that i won't leave him

i wanna tell him i love him

"please .. dont give up on me ..

he whispered to my ear
i cant see him
but i can almost hear the tears that start to roll down his cheek
i can feel him shake with sobs

"i love you"

that was it ..

the last thing i heard

my senses seemed to start to shut down

i'm gonna leave without being able to say that i love him too

without saying goodbye ..

RiA :))

why did i change my url ??

its me ..

its my new life :))

a new me ..

starting tO be me again ..
leaving yUh behind :))
but still

i still love you :))

and what ever happens :))

i've loved you ..
and the onLii mistake was
you never loved me when i've loved you
:))
moving on :))

RiA :))

everytime

such a nyc song :))
believe me :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB7SlBHRWt8


i love it :))
so much ..

soo relaxing :))

iloveyou.iloveyou.iloveyou

:))
i finally had what i want :))
x0o happy :]
its like ..
a huge part of me was fiLLed with something new
something great :))
and eventhough it seemed iMPOSiBLE
at least
i know i've tried


i love you
what a nice phrase to say :))
[[ i love you ]] ..
i soo really love you

fOr once in my life ..
i'd be xOo SELFiSH
just this once ..
cOz this time ..
i finally had what i want :))

iLoveyOu!

RiA :))

iLoveyOu22

.lost.lost.lost. x]]

ang dali lng mawala ng happiness nuh ??

bigla n lng darating yung moment n mgiging sobrang saya ka ..

tpos biglang babawiin sau lahat ..

prang nakikipag-gaguhan sau ung tadhana ..

ayaw ibigay ung happiness..

biglang aagawin sau

aixt ..

kelan nga kaya aq sasaya ng x0obraaang tgal ??

makuha ko p kaya ung gusto ko??

and dapat b aq mag give up

pra s ibang tao ??

_RiA_

iiyah labbs 22

[labb qo c marc]

o22o x]]

iLy 22 :))

supeeeer labb yUh !!!

inLaaaab aqo sa iyo ..

sObraaaa

.22.22.22.

supeeeer laaaab !! :D

i'm juz me !!

ok ok ..

i might be the one always wrong
i might be the iMPERFECT one
but still,
accept it ..
cOz i'm ME fOR god's sake !!
if y0u cant live with it, then
step outta mah Life !!
c0z yOu know wat !?
i dont need SH*T !!
ok ??

---

em n0t easiLy angered
in fact, my peace is x0o long
my patience is really wide
s0 dont mess wid me
wen i am angry, i'm angry
and i really MEAN it ..

---

learn to live with my imperfections ..
coz you cant erase them anymore

i know there are times that i'm rude,
mean,
selfish,
stubborn
stupid ..

but they are all part of me ..

ok ?

---

yesterday, i won 5th place in the biology quiz bee
at manggahan high school

and i admit,
i'm not happy ..
bcoz i was one of the winners,
but not everyone want me to win :))
well, !.insecurity.! is a terrible disease :))

well,

nothing much to say any more ..

---

.. tirahin nyu n lhat ..
.. khit aqo ..
.. wak ln ung mga taong mhal qo at pinahahalagahan ko ..
,kxe,
.. lalaban at lalaban aqo ..

mga pipz, wlang gaguhan pde !?
tmaaa na ang plastikan :))

---

RiiA :))

.iiyAh laabbs OnLii yUh !! x]].

a new facade x]]

.D.E.A.T.H.

such a famous word

embraced by some,
feared by others
evading it will lead you to nothing
we were all destined to die wen we were born

a fool will try to find ways to bring life back to the dead
but stupidity is wen you try to think of ways to be immortal

the elixir of life
a very precious "treasure" to all the fools who believed they will find immortality

the fountain of youth
which led to many voyages which came home
empty
stupid people who try in vain to find eternal life
they end up with nothing

wordly people have attached their soul to the physical world
they are afraid to lose the things dey worked so hard to gain
things they spent years to lay their hands on
things which will eventually fade and vanish

people who dont gain anything long for death
people who think they will be luckier in the afterlife wish to die soon
to have a bit more comfort
to find a place where they will belong

death is more universal dan life
everyone dies but not everyone is given a chance to live

death is not the last sleep,
its the final awakening

one death is tragedy
a million deaths is statistic

some people are so afraid to die they never begin to live

death is unavoidable,
it's our final destination
our destiny
everyone will die,
it's only a matter of time

dey say death is the sweetest escape
i say death is not an escape

people think of death as the only way to escape worldly pain
dey just dont know,
death is the indication of your duty's fulfillment ..
when you die,
GOD had finished with his plan for you
that's why you can now be with him in eternity


RiA :))

happy.not.=)

cant do much about anything ..

stupidity striked

crziness and vulnerability hit me hard

i fell in a supersonic crash

and it hurt a lot

but still,

cant do much about it, can't i ?



and though i'm in pain

though i suffer silently

though these tears fall uncontrollably

i cant seem to want to give up



i was just waaaay too inlove

and i admit ..

i cant pull away

but we both have to

he said so himself



i'm far from sad

i'm much much much more worse than that

but wat else can i do?

how else should i feel ?

i tried to be that girl whom he would love

i tried to please everybody,

leaving behind wat i myself would want to become

and i end up with nothing



nothing but the pain and heartache




but i'm not quitting

no, i'm stronger now ..

i have him as my shield

as my strength ..

i'm not backing off ..

just lying low




and now, i end this blog ..




RiA :)

if.we.hold.on.together x]]

dont lose your way ; with each passing day ; u've come so far ; don't throw it away .. live believing; dreams are for weaving ; wonders are waiting to start ; live your story ; faith, hope, and glory ; hold to the truth in your heart ; if we hold on together ; i know our dreams will never die ; dreams se us through to forever ; were clouds roll by ; for you and i ; souls in the wind; must learn how to bend ; seek out the stars ; hold on to the end ; valley, mountain ; there is a fountain ; washes our tears all the way ; words are swaying ; someone is praying ; please let us come home to stay ; if we hold on together ; i know our dreams will never die ; dreams see us through to forever ; where clouds roll by ; for you and i ; when we are out there in the dark ; we'll dream about the sun ; in the dark we'd see the light ; warm our hearts ; everyone ; if we hold on together ; i know our dreams; will never die ; dreams see us through to forever ; as high ; as souls can fly ; where clouds roll by ; for you and i ..

---

i remeber this as the first song i ever memorized in my entire life ..

and i meant really memorized

this is included in the sountrack of the "movie series"

The Land Before Time

this song was sung by Diana Ross

i really love this song

and shockingly,

this was also the first song "he" memorized in his life x]]

"lucky shot" i guess x]]

har.har.

niweisz ..

"i'm just a girl,

who once belived her own fairy tale

who believed in the phrase

~happily ever after~

once in her life .."

will i really get my happily ever after ?

will he be finally my "prince charming" ??

will my life really be like a fairy tale ?

or will this chapter of my life end

with no "happily ever afters"

no happy endings ?

~RiA~

192219

iLabbyUh !

.happy.sad.happy.sad.=]

what a week !

such a mood swing :]]

it was quite [?] good ..

but i especially liked dis day .. x]]

so this was quite a busy [?]

week ..

well almost ..

but not quite x]]

n0, actually,

we have no classes

mostly bcoz of the

preparation for the sci-fa and

my DNA works

but it was still quite busy ..

a lot of things to prepare ..

and somehow, one of my best days was wednesday ..

[september 17, 2008]

i wanted time to stop

as i spent that moment with him ..

but as soon as that moment started to feel great,

time snatched it away ..

and sadly.. that night we fought [?]

bcoz of my stupidity ..

i was soo selfish

i didn't think of his sacrifices just so he wouldn't hurt me ..

and i cried till 1am that night ..

i cried till i fell asleep ..

and my nightmares were still about him ..

the next day ..

[september 18, 2008]

i didn't approach him ..

nor looked at him

but i did, once or twice ..

to say sorry and to ask if he's angry with me ..

i spent that day, screaming my heart out with songs

songs that i sang

along with my beloved classmates

i spent my day in a facade

pretending i'm happy ..

though i'm breaking inside ..

i cried silently thrice at school ..

but nobody saw nor noticed except diana ..

i slept that night thinking things over ..

and i decided,

i wouldn't go away ..

:]

i cant leave my beloved franklin family behind

n0t just bcoz of my stupidity x]]

so i slept early ..

9:45pm to be axact ..

and that was one of the most comfortable sleep i've had ..

the next day, today

friday, september 19,2008

b0o and hershey, happy mnthsary !! :]]

we had the celeb. of the sci. month ..

i entered a busy classroom,

preparing for the sci-fashionista ..

some singing, playing the guitars, others talking among themselves ..

i cant take a closer look,

i have something to do ..

i must not be distracted by him ..

but i was,

unfortunately ..

so i went down, with ruslene, renei, maxine and jezreel

for the science quiz bee ..

one hour of torture for us ..

fortunately ..

we won third place

so ..

afterwards i went upstairs ..

30 mins. break before we were called to go downstairs ..

it was s0 super hot ..

and i really meant HOT ..

so we stood under the baking sun ..

i felt dizzy x]]

and he escorted me to the clinic ..

he even bothered to go to the fifth floor and get my water jug ..

just for me ..

thanks ! [you know who you are]

when i have recovered slightly .

i went back to my franklin family

they were already at the room ..

they couldn't resist the sun i guess ..

so, they were there ..

fast forward ..

many of us were bored, tired and sleepy

and so, marc, duke, van, i, and gerald i guess

slept inside the room ..

unfortunately for the boys, except marc

bea applied make up on them

ahaha ..

and ..

duke placed a plastic on his barefoot ..

and when someone said

"duke, i labb yuh !!"

he placed the plastic on his head x]]

sabi nga ni marc :

"iisa lng ang paa at mukha ni duke"

ahehe ..

gling s paa, sinuot s ulo :]]

well anyways,

that was just some of their "kaadikan" x]]

another was, when marc was sleeping, charlene tossed a 25-centavo on him x]]

but one thing i can nver forget ..

i slept beside him..

and he, unknown to both of us,

held my hands,

one way or another x]]

well ..

i dont wanna post this thing at all ..

maybe just to remind me ..

well, my day isn't over ..

but i have to end this ..

its getting pretty lengthy ..

~ria~

192219

||wonderful||nOt!||

so this week was a bliss ??

well .. it was quite fast :))

and i kinda enjoyed it

a lot of emotions welled up inside me ..

and they all burst out awhile ago

i didnt notice the pressure

nor the pain of keeping it all deep within

it was today that

i cried hardest at school

it was today that my "daughter" cried

bcoz of her bff ..

yet again

it was today that my bestfriend first cried ..

maybe for the same reason i did ..

maybe not ..

so ..

a while ago ..

i wrote to my bestfriend ..

and she wrote back ..

until one message from her touched me ..

actually, it was just one word that mattered to me ..

"bestfriend"

all this time i thought,

i'm just nothing to her ..

all this time i've hurt just thinking that

"our friendship is lost"

then, i saw that one word ..

and boom

everything came rushing back ..

i wanted to cry right then and there but i couldn't

not yet

i have to write back ..

and so did i

and yeah ..

when she read my reply ..

she told me she wanted to cry but she couldn't ..

then i told her i'll make her cry ..

but i need to sacrifice something as well ..

so i leaned on her shoulder for the first time in months ..

how much i missed it ..

and when i did,

for just those few seconds ..

30 or so i guess

everything we've been through since first year

the happy and sad moments ..

everything came rushing back to my memory ..

and i realized the pain ..

and i realized my longing for her friendship ..

i really missed everything ..

and when i realized it all ..

i noticed my tears ..

i cried .

and i didn't even try to stop it ..

nor did i hide it from them ..

i want them to know that i also have my weakness ..

i cried

how free i felt as every tear fell fro my eyes ..

i noticed how light i felt after crying ..

and i noticed her,

crying with me ..

and i hugged her ..

i told her everything i havent told her ..

how much i missed her ..

how much i love her

how thankful i am to have her in my life ..

how sorry i am for not being able to do my part well ..

i told her everything ..

and she listened ..

how i missed this kind of bonding ..

and then, my "daughter" approached me ..

crying ..

i knew the reason ..

so i comforted her ..

the world didn't matter to me ..

i had my bestfriend ..

i had my "jazzie"

i need them ..

they need me ..

and jazzie's bff approached us,

also crying ..

and they talked ..

while my bestfriend and i talked ..

and everything was fine ..

afterwards i was able

to bond with my former classmates ..

i missed them too ..

so we went to 7-eleven

and i enjoyed the moment ..

but not everything was good ..

unfortunately ..

i'd rather not broadcast the negetive parts of this week ..

>>One Friend Left<<

http://www.imeem.com/ashjayr/music/6fe0qA2B/my_honey_jr_bernabe_jrs_if_i_had_only_one_friend_left/

I always thought you were the best

I guess i always will.

I always thought that we were blessed

And i feel that way still.

Sometimes we took the hard road

But we always saw it through.

If i had only one friend left

I'd want it to be you.

Sometimes the world was on our side

Sometimes it wasn't fair.

Sometimes it gave a helping hand

Sometimes we didn't care.

'cause when we were together

It made the dream come true.

If i had only one friend left

I'd want it to be you.

Someone who understands me

And knows me inside out.

Who helps keep me together

And believes without a doubt,

That i could move a mountain

With someone to tell it to.

If i had only one friend left

I'd want it to be you.

Someone who understands me

And knows me inside out

Who helps keep me together

And believes without a doubt,

That i could move a mountain

With someone to tell it to.

If i had only one friend left

I'd want it to be you

i dedicate thid dong to aubrey .. :))

~RiA~

i.refuse.to.fall.

i super labb this song:

Cant Take That Away From Me

--Mariah Carey

They can say

Anything they want to say

Try to bring me down

But I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me

And they can try hard to make me feel that I

Don't matter at all

But I refuse to falter in what I believe or lose faith in my dreams

'Cause there's

There's a light in me

That shines brightly

They can try

But they can't take that away from me

From me

They can do

Anything they want to you

If you let them in

But they won't ever win

If you cling to you pride, and just push them aside

See I

I have learned

There's an inner peace I own

Something in my soul that they can not possess

So I won't be afraid and the darkness will fade

'Cause there's

There's light in me me

That shines brightly, yes

They can try,

But they can't take that away from me

They can't take this

Precious love I'll always have inside me

Certainly the Lord will guide me where I need to go

They can say

Anything they want to say

Try to bring me down

But I won't face the ground

I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach

Although they do try

Hard to make me feel that I

Don't matter at all

But I refuse to fall

Tell me what I believe or loose faith in my dreams

'Cause there's a light in me

That shines brightly yes

They can try but they can't take that away from me ..

---

i love this song too much ..
i can relate a lot ..
but somehow, i find it depressing ..
wen i listen to it ..
instead of having hope ..
i feel like
i'm d worst person in the world
somehow, dis song makes me more hopeless
and for some reason,
i like the way it feels
like i deserve it ..
something like that ..

well ..

just sharing ..

~RiiA~

.music.is.my.life.

ur the song that's inside of my soul

ur the life that flows through my veins

ur the oxygen i need, the air i breathe

ur everything i ever wanted

ur the reason for my tears

u light up my life

u give me wings and make me fly

ur the truth that see me in my weakness

ur are my one and only love

---

and yeah, you can say i'm kinda crazy ..
i wont deny it ..
if music is my life,
then ur the oxygen i need to survive ..
you are the melody that makes the lyrics beautiful ..

how i wish you can love me too ..
then, this song will be complete,
and the title's "me and you"

~RiiA~

.i.labb.yuh!.

wla lng ..
wla aq malagay ee
miss q n c eirene victorino :))
pati si *toot*
ahaha
baxta ..
labb q un labb q :))
gets mu ?
geh2 ..
un lng ..

~RiiA~

.bad.day. :'(

alam muh .. kung di ka na mhal, wag mo n ipilit ..
ikw lng ang magmumukhang tanga ee ..
i have every right to talk to him..
he's ur bf, not ur property ..
you always put malice in everything we do ..
is the problem in me ?!
no!
its in YOU..
i didn't flirt with him .. he approached me ..
we're just friends .. u wont bliv me
fine ..

x.x.x.x.x.x

ikw nmn ! ano b ginawa ko sau !?
ano b problema mu ?!
kung glit ka s kin, sbhin muh ..
hndi ung tinitira muh kong patalikod ..
tinuring kitang kaibigan tpos, gnun pla ..
fine !
kung ayw muh d kita pipilitin ..
d ka kawalan ..
oo nga ..
tama ako ..
wla ka nga pinagkaiba s knya ..

x.x.x.x.x.x

at ikw nmn !?
bqet ang tanga muh !?
bqet kahit n ginagago k na ng buong mundo,
tao p rin ang turing muh mo s mga
taong HAYOP ang trato sau !?
bqet pilit mung niilulunok lhat ng insulto at pananakit n ibinabato nila sau ?
takot k matalo nuh ?!
khit nmn d k lumaban,
ikw pa rin ang talo

x.x.x.x.x.x

where are my so-called friends wen i need them most ?!
where are the people hu promised to catch me
wen i fall ??
where are te ones who said they'll be there to wipe away these tears dat fall ??
is everything just a LIE ?!

x.x.x.x.x.x

pro khit anu gwin ko ..
d ko p rin pla kaya magalit ..
ngaun p lng, gusto ko n mag sorry ..
gusto ko n maging friends kmi ulit ..
ngaun p lng ako n ng ppkumbaba ..
bqet !?
kxe auko ng away ?!
kxe gnun ko sila kamahal ??
khit ako nde nila mhal ..

~yhanyhan~

.empty.empty.empty.

can you explain

this emptiness i feel ?

this sick hollow feeling ?

can you tell me i'm fine

and honestly mean it ?

can y0u tell me what's wr0ng ?

w0uld y0u even care ?

what d hell is g0ing on with me ?!

i feel s0 lost :'(

s0 c0nfused ..

s0 distant ..

s0, v0id of everything ..

---

hiya ! new p0st ..
t0day was fun.fun.fun.
culminating activity at sch0oL ..
n0 pressure
n0 classes
n0 stupid physics
n0 bi0, chem, algeb, plane ge0 ..
n0 NOTHING ..
just F-U-N

but s0meh0w, i cant feel the joy ..
s0mehow i feel empty
c0nfused ..
lost
v0id of everything

why ?
is it bc0z of y0u ?!
is it bc0z of him ?
is it bc0z of her ?
why ?
why am i feeling like this ?

i sh0uLd be inspired c0z of him
i sh0uld be happy bc0z of him
i should be at peace bc0z of you

but i was totally pissed
c0z of her
damn her to hell ..

~RiA 22~

ps. just wanna share , i f0und my weakness



music

awts.awts.awts.

n0 classes?

would go to sch0oL or not ?

happy

would i cry later ?

c0nfused

when would my mind clear?

hurting

would i still hope for your love ?

depressed

will i still survive ?

i hate this life

---

thats it for my post ..

~RiA 22~

sorry

sorry gerbene !! :'(

~* RiA 22 *~

the.st0rm.is.raging.but.the.rain.is.absent.

hate you

i hate you

your stupid

unfair

childish

unfair

selfish

foolish

great but no

coz you see, not every0ne is as great as y0u

your nothing

n0thing but a ..

Perfectionist

---

superman ..
blessed with superhuman strength
speed of light
endless stamina
supersonic hearing
x-ray vision
the ability to fly..

if he was already this IDEAL to become
everyone's hero
how come he was only described
"IDEAL"
and not PERFECT?
why does he have to be vulnerable in the presence of
Kryptonite?
why cant we be like superman?
able to accept that despite being s0 GREAT
y0u can NEVER be PERFECT
if superman can be weak,
then why cant i ?
cant i be me?
being perfectly happy behind my imperfections ?

---

from now on,
you wouldn't see this smiling face
not this cheery eyes
you wouldnt hear this soulful and carefree laughter
instead,
when you look at me
you'll see nothing but HATRED
as cold as the winter night
hard as diamond, made harder by fire
and this girl
that had been so pure and free
will be void of everything positive
and will then be just an
empty shell,
souless and unmoving,
alive,
yet DEAD inside...

Ramiel

you're now the last ace in my deck
the frailest sliver of light left
now, you are my only hope for
"SALVATION"
your love will "save" me
and revive the heat in my
stone-cold heart
my "return" is in your hands ..

~* RiA _ 22 *~

fallen .. =(

i love you

i love you a lot

i love you so much

just stay close

i'm sorry

i'm unworthy :'(

please d0nt love me

but d0nt hate me as well

i'm guiLty

i'm sorry :'(

i hate .. my self

just please stay

i'm here

d0nt look at me

n0thing's changed

just me

cOnfused

hurt

lost

i d0nt kn0w what to do ..

---

so basically, i'm super confused
i'm n0t sure as to what i should do
what i sh0uLd feeL
what i sh0uLd say, h0w i sh0uLd act
nothing ..
mere confusion
a swirl of thousand shades of gray and black
n0t a trace of light ..
pure darkness
n0thing ..

VOiD

~* RiA _ 22 *~

the.real.me.y0u.cant.see. =]

d0 y0u kn0w the real me?
i guess n0t,
h0w c0uLd y0u, if y0u wouLdn't try t0 kn0w me deeper, better ?
:]

one thing i've learned in life,
when you want to be accepted always,
y0u can NEVER be y0u ..
never be yourself ..

and also, when y0u change y0urself f0r other pe0pLe,
y0u w0uLd c0ntinue changing ..
thinking that y0u are finaLLy GAiNiNG ..
whe in fact y0u are LOSiNG ..
Losing wh0 y0u really are ..

Change is s0 addictive .. :]
because y0u think y0u aLready "beLong"
but n0, it's n0t yet over ..
pe0pLe wiLL c0ntinue on Lo0king f0r s0mething wr0ng in y0u ..
y0u can never please the deviL ..
because the deviL's onLy pLeasure is y0ur demise ..

never change f0r others,
bc0z they w0nt appreciate that change ..
they wiLL carry on,
c0ntinuing t0 hate y0u ..
they w0uLdn't be satisfied tiLL y0u break d0wn ..
and you?
wiLL just be tired 0f thinking what eLse there is t0 change in y0u ..
and y0u wiLL be disc0uraged and think that
whatever y0u d0,
n0body wiLL love y0u ..

y0u wouLd just lose to them ..
and aLso, y0u wiLL lose y0urself ..

i kn0w this,
bc0z i've been thr0ugh this ..
trying to belong .. :]

the best way that y0u can d0 is LEARN
to ACCEPT wh0 y0u are ..
and t0 LOVE yourself ..

just cr0ssed my mind ..

~* RiA _ 22 *~

my spexaL pers0ns

First Saga:


iLovey0u .. :]
ur the onLii pers0n hu can make me Laugh, when i refuse t0 smiLe ..
m0st especially, y0u kn0w h0w t0 handle my fragile heart ..
y0u d0nt hurt me in any way y0u c0uLd prevent ..
and i kn0w y0u w0uLdn't ..
y0u enc0urage me naturaLLy and make me happy ..
y0u just d0nt kn0w h0w speciaL y0u make me feeL everytime ..
and i d0nt Love y0u bc0z of these things ..
iL0vey0u .. bc0z ur y0u ..

:]

thank y0u f0r n0t rejecting me ..


Second Saga:


~* Jasmine Eve *~

d0nt be a pessimist bhe ..
Love is natural ..
jealousy is normal ..
pain is also natural ..
ur n0t a loser, n0t stupid ..
in fact, ur d winner .. f0r n0t losing ur temper,
f0r being light and carefree despite all ur pains ..
f0r loving th0ugh ur hurting ..
ur a 0ne in a million kind of person ..

i am guilty of pretending,
of being a pessimist,
of being the greatest actress in this w0rLd ..
but i kn0w der r tyms n kelangan ko i-pull ung sarili ko ..
f0r my sake,
and f0r the other pe0ple wh0 love and care f0r me ..

bilib ako sau ..
u can handle urself with such precisi0n ..
:D
keep up the smile y0u always have ..

:]



Third Saga:



~* My Dark AngeL *~

and she was my shield,
my barrier and protecti0n .
the only person to who i can break d0wn,
cry & be me, yet,
still be strong.

and she is a bestfriend,
a lover, and a sister,
the other half of my peace...
the strebgth of my very s0uL ..

but s0meh0w everything changed,
like death that t0ok away y0ur j0y,
in a blink of an eye,
everything was lost ..

i d0nt kn0w wat i did,
n0r wat i sh0uLd d0.
i'm s0rry my friend,
if ever i hurt y0u ..

i just want y0u to kn0w,
i'll always be here,
i w0uld wait f0r y0u,
i swear i will, Aubrey ..

--henrianne dela cruz

an elegy [?] i made :)
just tripping .. :)
she used to be my bestfriend ..
but n0w,
i d0nt think s0 :]



Fourth Saga:



the peri0dical tests are officially over,
marking the end of the first quarter ..
aww ..
the sch0ol is nearing the first half ..

auk0 p matapos t0ng sch0oL year n t0h ..
mhaL ko mga cm8s k0 ..
LaLo n si an0 .. :]
si Jasmine, ung anak k0 :)
ahaha ..

aun ..

dis is where i end my blog ..


"wh0 am i t0 say such things, when i myself cant d0 it .."


~* RiA _ 22 *~