Well, here I go again. I decided to finally post, after such a long period of time without trying to even think of what to write in this stupid blog of mine, since I was a little bit pissed about something.
Will ya listen to my story? Stay if you will. Go if you decided I'm a pretty nonsense, boring, uninteresting terrestrial being. I wont force you. xD
Woah! Your still here? are you sure you really really REALLY wanna read this entry?
You still have a few more seconds to decide:D
Ok. I guess you really are interested. So here goes my story. This blog is really about excerpts from a secret diary I kept hidden for over two years now. There was this guy I really liked. Read on to know more.
Apr.27,2006
Hi, I'm Ria! An eleven-year-old girl, turning grade 6 in *toot*( the school's name was censored for the privacy and protection of my Alma Mater's name :D ). Its summer vacation today and I needed to siphon a few things off my mind. So, yeah, I daresay I'm inlove. There was this guy, and he was so funny and simple and talented and ... okay. Breathe. I'm kinda crazy about this guy. Eventhough he hasn't got much of the looks and brains, I like him. And I had a crush on him before last school year ended. And now, I think I already do LOVE him. Gosh!
For the past few weeks I can't sleep at night. I feel like there's something, a big portion in my life that I'm missing, like a big, empty hole, cold and stinging was drilled through my heart. A gap wherein only something, or SOMEONE, can fill.
And those nights that I managed to snatch away into dreamland, I would often be interupted by his face. It was kinda maddening at first, not knowing why he was always in my dreams, or nightmares as I first put it, and how come everytime I woke up, I feel so exhausted and spent, as if I've run a thousand miles.
So more days passed, and suddenly, realization hit me.
He was the missing part of my heart. And I want him, BADLY. The moment I have said that to myself, everything clicked in place. And the hole in my heart seemed to burn more. Now that I know what I want, I NEEDED to get it. To have it. To OWN it, or HIM, to put it better.
I was more restless than before. Then, a few days ago, I was utterly bored and daydreaming when he called. I answered the phone, not knowing it was him and then, BOOM! hearing his voice eased my restlessness. We talked a few more hours.
And I can't sleep late at night. He would call me everyday, everynight, and I would be happy.
I wanted to go back to school now! I wanted to see him and be with him always.
June 15, 2006
I was so happy! He talked to me! We hang out at the stage! Aww. So "kilig".!
=)
August 18, 2006
He texted me, told me he loved me too. I panicked. I went out of control so I texted him and said I loved him too. He asked if I would be his GIRLFRIEND and I accepted! Oh gosh! I'm not ready yet!
August 20, 2006
I saw him and he BYPASSED me :( it broke my heart. I thought he LOVES me? I am his girlfriend and he SNOBBED me JUST LIKE THAT!? :(
August 21, 2006
err! I don't know why I did it! :(( I guess I might have been out of my mind. But he didn't really LOVE me :(( He was just playing me :(( I hate this life :(( I wanna die.
So, that summarized it. I deleted unnecessary things. the longest post was the most important. Well, here is my narration-slash-summary of the story.
So I fell inlove. So madly inlove with him. And he said he love me too. Then a few days later, I broke up with him beacuse I've learned that he don't love me at all. A few months later, I saw him flirting with other girls. I was broken. Badly damaged. I played with others' feelings too. To help me forget and to get my revenge. Every man I made cry healed a part of my vengeful heart but I still love him.
It was 1 year and 2 months later when I met someone who made me forget him a bit. And then he came back and I realized more than a year is not enough. I lay low for a bit, since I was broken again and had to heal two wounds of the past. The second wound has healed, mainly because Marc helped me. But the first wound is still healing. Almost there, I can nearly forget that I love
I poured the acid to my wound, that pushed me to write this lengthy blog entry. I tried to know if the wound has closed entirely. I guess not yet. I still love him but not enough to make me cry. I was hurt by what you said.
"di ako marunong magrecycle kaya wag ka nang bumalik"
Just a friendly reminder. I've moved on and I proved that already. I dont need ANOTHER YOU in my life :)
SO OVER IT
