My world starts to fall into a deeper chaos than before.
It is no longer a simple selfish wish of having a whole life, a happy life. It is already trying to be fair to two peopl who take control to half of your life, no, one of your two polar lifes.
Fire and Ice never make a good pair, that is because they are seperated by their pride in each other.
Sometimes the battle between them could tower over whoever stands between them. In this case, me.
I am fifteen. And I don't know how long I could endure or how far I could manage. Having to manage two different lives, and being fair. It sometimes kills me thinking of how to compromise. And whatever decision I make, I am torn. Maybe because, my life is torn. And I have to make do with this two parts of my once whole and happy life. I have to treat both halves as if they were complete. But I am one person with one heart. How the hell do I manage to live in two different lives?
Imagine being at two places at once. One is in the dark and the other is flooded with light. What you can do in the dark, you can not do in the light. However, they are one and the same. They both blind your eyes.
I cannot move forward in my cirrent state. I don't even know where forward is. I just blindly move and keep my hands outstretched in case I bumped into something. However, there is none I can do if I trip.
It is like being tossed and turned around in a wave. I am so suffocated.
I can barely breathe.
It is like having to live without lungs. You are hollow. You are incomplete. And every moment is a pain.
Words this dark are not enough to paint how dark I feel.
However, I am holding on to that one source of light left in this trashy life I have. My self.
